Gone
For Alex.
I never played games around you, gave you my scared heart, hoping you’ll help me close the scars in it.
But all you did was a twist on them, treated me like if I was some disposable thing, throwing me away.
You didn’t even get the guts to say goodbye the proper way; you just thought an excuse was enough.
Now I am the one who has to cry over you, like I have done a thousand times, trying to see what went wrong.
I was always there for you even when you didn’t even have to ask to want to take care of you.
But I was never the person for you. No matter how hard I tried to be there for you, you were never present.
You were there, physically, but you never paid attention to what I have to say, and clearly, my love was not enough.
You were so cruel while breaking my heart, it’s like you never cared at all about me, and that’s the hardest of it all.
Maybe I asked too much from you, but that doesn’t give you the right to treat me the way you did like I never existed.
When you knew you were all I had, the only reason why I was in this place, sometimes the only reason I felt like breathing.
I don’t know if I want you to be happy without me. Deep down, I hope you remember me and feel guilty.
And I hope every time you hear my name. You feel your stomach ache and a knot in your throat.
I hope you spent endless nights wondering why you would let go of a girl who was willing to give you the world.
But most of all, I look forward to the day I can’t even remember your name, and you just become another memory.
You were my first love, the one I opened my heart to and my body as well, and even I’m heartbroken, I don’t regret it.
Despite all the anger, I’m feeling right now against you. There will always be a part of me that will scream for your touch.
I want to remember you as the boy who didn’t break my heart but as the man who showed me how it felt to be loved.
And I hope you get to remember me as the girl who loved you unconditionally, despite what you thought of yourself.
But right now, I’m writing to a ghost. You will never get to read this by yourself. It will be another poem meant to no one but me.
I know you won’t care about my pitty words, begging for crumbs of love, so it’s time for me to let you go and get the future you aspire.
As for me, I don’t know what the future has for me. I hope soon I get to feel the salty water in my feet and smile at your memory.
I can’t cry at the thought of you when you brought me so much happiness, even if it was briefly.
I hope we can meet again, in this life or another universe, when both of us are finally at peace with ourselves.
