Eat.
Wouldn’t it just be so easy
flip the switch
Turn my appetite off just as you turned me
You made my waist feel wasteful
You made my ravenous stomach detest fulfillment
I understand the stigma
I understand the compulsion I have to satisfy but oh,
Wouldn’t it just be so wonderful to starve
I can’t help but wonder if just skin and bone would be better than my skin and bones.
Would it be prettier?
Skinnier?
Stomach able?
But no.
“It’s not the way” my mother says
“It’s not the way” my father says
“It’s not the way” my brother says
But what if it is?
What if against all my bitter and better judgements,
This is the only way
I see the popular girls
My old best friend
My new best friend
My friends
My family
And I can’t help it
I compare
I find the oddities and the curiosities
I find every nick and knack,
I memorize every perfection and blemish
Every zit, pimple or hair
And I judge as I would my own
I can find Infinet compliments for the slimmest of strangers I see walking from the passenger seat of my mother’s car
Right from her quaffed hair to her polished boots
The glint of her glasses throws my strangeness back at me as it sucks the happiness from my outstretched arms
I give away my joy like a pedophile does lollies,
Leaving no more than a crumb for my body
My friends tell me I am the nice one
My friends say I am the innocent who has a smile from every soul
The angel whose catharsis is pleasing those around her while she wades through the waters bare footed
I will give my boots to the splintered
I will give my jacket to the cold
I will give my life to the dead,
Until there is no more for my watering mouth.
I will leave my bones shaking to be shattered
I will leave my heart failing to be unbeaten
I will leave my skin burning to be cremated
Because I understand you cannot be fat and rude
I have picked my struggle
So instead of the food piling my plate,
I will swallow my delicious pride,
And wait on every other, hand and foot
So maybe someone can be truly happy
Because eating nothing tastes better being me.
PLEASE EAT, You are all beautiful inside and out no matter what you think. This is just my experience, please do not do what I have done in the past. <3
