My folks think I’m a serving maid Each time I visit home; They do not dream I ply a trade As old as Greece or Rome; For if they found I’d fouled thei…
Heigh ho! to sleep I vainly try; Since twelve I haven’t closed an… And now it’s three, and as I lie, From Notre Dame to St. Denis The bells of Paris chime to me;
Visibility Because my eyes were none to brigh… Strong spectacles I bought, And lo! there sprang into my sight A life beyond my thought:
Fat lady, in your four—wheeled cha… Dolled up to beat the band, At me you arrogantly stare With gold lorgnette in hand. Oh how you differ from the dame
“You’re bloody right —I was a Red… The Man from Cook’s morosely said… And if our chaps had won the War Today I’d be the Governor Of all Madrid, and rule with prid…
How often have I started out With no thought in my noodle, And wandered here and there about, Where fancy bade me toddle; Till feeling faunlike in my glee
Addict of Punch and Judy shows I was when I was small; My kiddy laughter, I suppose, Rang louder than them all. The Judge with banter I would bai…
'A shilling’s worth of quinine, pl… The customer demanded. The druggist went down on his knee… And from a cupboard handed The waiting man a tiny flask:
Since much has been your mirth And fair your fate, Friend, leave your lot of earth Less desolate. With frailing overdue,
'Nay; I don’t need a hearing aid’ I told Mama—in—law; 'For if I had I’d be afraid Of your eternal jaw; Although at me you often shout,
“Let’s make him a sailor,” said F… “And he will adventure the sea.” “A soldier,” said Mother, “is rat… What I would prefer him to be.” “A lawyer,” said Father, “would p…
It isn’t the foe that we fear; It isn’t the bullets that whine; It isn’t the business career Of a shell, or the bust of a mine; It isn’t the snipers who seek
When I was young and Scottish I Allergic was to spending; I put a heap of bawbees by, But now my life is ending, Although I would my hoarded pelf
Behold! the Spanish flag they’re… Before the Palace courtyard gate; To watch its progress bold and bla… Two hundred patient people wait. Though bandsmen play the anthem br…
To rest my fagged brain now and th… When wearied of my proper labors, I lay aside my lagging pen And get to thinking on my neighbor… For, oh, around my garret den