Why do i worry so much, years have passed and i’m still stuck, the stress has me disabled like i use a crutch, i feel out of touch, thinking back i put myself in this mess, ironically that helps me deal with the stress, because it boils down to my own decisions, i can control the direction and precision, now i should start creating a vision, i’m on a mission, time to use reason, why do i blame myself for being betrayed? The nature of betrayal is sly and dirty, so why do i blame myself because others hurt me? for an answer i’m thirsty, why do i accept it happily when others curse me? For attention i am thirsty, how often do i hail my attackers, how often do i believe in bad actors, i imagine myself in wide fields like a tractor, we worry about things that are beyond our control, and leave things to destiny like the state of our soul, what is the goal? Being empty of purpose will swallow you whole, comparison is the killer of accomplishment, decisions i make without my own consent, no wonder i don’t feel content, thinking of the opportunities and wondering where they went, realising they never arrived although they were sent, how is it that I was so sure that I was right before, but in reality wrong I could not have been more, in depths of delusion i found my solution, why all of this confusion there’s one thing i should be choosing, what are you waiting for? Is it approval from people who don’t knock on your door? Is it from appoval seekers and people pleasers? Jeepers creepers! Is it surrender if i admit i can’t remember? the anger inside me jumps out unexpectedly, not sure if it is controlling or correcting me, is this how i really feel? Or is it extra terrestrial? What if it’s a message being received that is mental? The voices rent free in my head seem to hate the landlord, it can get messy in there like a sandstorm, i hope you don’t wonder why i care for, and i want to thank you for being someone i can care for, i wish i can always care more, and i hope there’s no one that can care more, it seems i wasn’t good enough despite what i did, or didn’t do in the case of when i was a kid