Lowercasemmmmmm

dear friend......please forgive me!

For kevin,wherever you are

through the broken windows
with the peeling paint
with the cracked putty
and the ghosts of faces peering
echoes yelled
with the wind up the street
where are you now
do you hear me?
 
dear friend
please forgive me
I knew not the wish
or plan you had
my selfishness
now an awful burden
when I realize
to me you were reaching out
 
you extended your hand
too busy, that was me
and you drowned in a sea of darkness
dear friend
please forgive me
I know its too late
please think of me fondly
wherever you are
 
sat alone in your car
engine running, garage door down
a pipe fuming fog
air disappearing, your life falling away
did you think of your kids
as you exhaled your last breath
was regret a last thought
a turbulent mountain blocking your path to reason
 
when I heard of your passing
In my heart I dropped to my knees
a blend of shame
and sadness washed over me
and a scream was released
to high for ears
it shook the realms
of the soul
 
dear friend, please forgive me
I knew not the plan or resolve you had
if so I would of stopped you
used what influence I had to tame the dark
dear friend, please forgive me
this guilt I carry is an awful burden
please when you think of me be mindful of it
be kinder than I
 
I still can’t believe you’re gone
all the scrapes and dares
we open eyed led ourselves through
the reprehensible acts of willful abandon
boyish theft
vandalism and inner sanctum tales
how my heart yearns and longs
for another slice of those days
 
you were a friend to me
when all else saw me as derisory
a model of role
the up I gazed at from down below
we were a duo, a unit
a twosome and a tad oddly fitted pair
and the world and all its treasures and riches
was ours to know
 
we had youth
we had time and the energy of summers
we acted out our dreams
we were too afraid to turn away from
we made memories of good times
best shared like a fine wine
now
I reminisce in the dark

(2013)

A poem about an old friend of mine who committed suicide,nearly twenty years ago. I saw him a few weeks before,he wanted to talk to me and I too busy and selfish to even share a few words. Maybe,who knows,that could of been the chat that would of talked him round.
That thought weighs heavy on me.

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