The Assembly
To the ignored
When I was a kid,
I was even more shy then
Than I am now, if you can believe that.
Now I have social phobias.
Back then I was just shy.
I was an awkward kid too,
Which didn’t help my case.
Tall and gangly for my age,
Hair cut into a short bowl
By hippie averse parents,
Raised by Disney movies
And Tolkien books.
I was in love with love.
I believed in myths.
I was out of touch with reality.
No one wanted to deal with that.
I didn’t have many friends.
My family and I didn’t have much to do with each other.
Which is no different now, come to think of it.
But even though I was a shy, quiet, weird little kid,
I had so much to say.
And no one to say it to.
I had dreams. I wanted to be a knight.
I alone seemed aware that there
Were grassy mountain peaks
Hidden in the sun,
Or that raindrops secretly
Plotted against their grounded jailers,
Eventually escaping into free rivers.
I wrote poems and hid them.
They were terrible.
But I was proud of them.
I had an idea for a novel.
I wrote scenes in my head
And acted them out in our basement,
Away from judging eyes.
I wanted so desperately to be heard.
Whether a parent or a friend or a stranger on the street.
I wanted to be heard.
One winter it snowed and snowed
As if it would never stop.
I was really into Charlie Brown back then,
A friend I could relate to.
I saw a strip
And it gave me an idea.
I woke up early and my parents dressed me
In my inflexible winter attire
And I ran into the yard
As fast as my snow pants would let me.
I made a snowman.
It was tiny, and its craftsmanship wasn’t very good.
But that wasn’t the point.
I made a second snowman next to the first.
Sweat beaded on my brow
And got uncomfortably absorbed
Into the lining of my hood.
But I looked around at the
Naked crowd I was creating
And in my sympathy didn’t mind as much.
And after hours of labor
A silent crowd had assembled
Behind my house.
I built a desk for my frozen minute taker,
And a podium for myself.
I stared out at the faceless figures
And for a moment felt guilty
That I had forgotten something
So important as a face.
But something told me
That these people were content
Just to have a semblance of form.
I took a deep breath
And I cleared my throat.
I tried to ignore my trembling fingers
And my nervous sweat.
I thought to myself that I might be
Catching a cold.
But all that was inconsequential.
My assembly was waiting.
Gentlemen, I called them.
I poured my heart out to
Frozen ears and expressionless faces.
Within an hour they knew my deepest fears,
My darkest secrets,
My hopes and ideas and dreams.
And no one laughed.
No one made fun of me.
I felt myself crying
But refused to let it stop me.
And in the end I looked around
At the frozen, quiet, icy stillness.
And I realized that I had been carrying
Some sort of terrible weight
That I never knew about.
I realized that I didn’t need support
In my attempts to reach my dreams,
Or see my ideas come to fruition.
I had an army of snowmen
Who had come to my rescue.
And I had myself.
(2014)
