Self Awareness
I have this funny idea
Self awareness makes me better
When self-righteous douche bag fits me
So much closer to the letter.
I have the ability
But not the stability
To push past my own ineptitudes.
My faults and flaws explode out of me.
They pour from me like an ocean
Drowning the attempts I make
To be deserving of emotion.
My sins have all been stacking,
And as a person I’m lacking,
So I’ll cling to familiar solitude.
I hurt way more people than I help.
I might not feel right playing god
But I could stand to be less hateful,
To hide less in my icy facade.
I grow ever colder
As I keep getting older.
Yeah, that’s as much about death as it implies.
But if I step outside myself I get burned
By my unrealistic expectations
A lack of connection is fine.
I’ll just cut off all means of communication.
When I’m with my friends
I’ll just laugh and play pretend
It’s not so bad living my life in disguise.
I tend to validate myself
Because I went and ruined my early childhood.
I blame my bad luck and abuse
Past the point any mistreated child could.
I think that I’ve grown
But I can’t pick up the phone
To call someone and tell them I’m not okay.
Another day of feeling like an asshole
Another day of feeling depressed
Another day of avoiding my own reflection
Let’s numb this thing beating in my chest.
Why do I deserve more than
Those who I condemn and damn?
Who really wants to be happy, anyway?
