There once was a time .. (Dedicated to my son)
There once was a time when life made so much sense;
when I knew what I wanted because what I wanted never mattered;
and I could come and go without question, without reason, without even a second thought.
Until one day, I woke up.
Seeing the same exact things I’ve seen many times before;
but this time, I had different eyes;
nothing looked as clear to me;
the face in the mirror wasn’t familiar;
these people I’ve known my entire life weren’t the same;
and nothing, not a single thing made sense to me, except you.
You changed my whole world.
I don’t dream the same, or think the same, and I second guess everything I do.
I can’t remember the last time I had a good night’s sleep, or put myself first.
Raising you isn’t easy; it’s frustrating and overwhelming;
and there are many days when I wish I had a set of instructions;
but you give me meaning, and hope, and the wisdom to know exactly what I should do.
I’m not always right; and I want you to know that.
I make mistakes, and I fall down, and sometimes even I need help to get back up;
but then I see your smile, or hear your laugh, and before I know it, I’m right back to where I’m supposed to be.
I cry just like everyone else, but nothing hurts me more than seeing you cry;
and I never knew what that felt like, to feel someone else’s pain, until you came along;
and doubled the heartache; but you also doubled my happiness;
and now because of you, everything is twice as special.
I still have so much to learn;
there isn’t a day that goes by when I don’t try to understand what this all means;
but you teach me things; you taught me that we don’t always get what we want;
sometimes we get what we need instead.
You bring out a side of myself that I never knew existed;
and I never would’ve known about it any other way.
You show me everyday what love is all about; and you’re the only person that I love the way that I do;
and that love is something that can’t be explained;
but soon enough, in your years to come, you’ll know exactly what I mean.
Because when you’re older, and you have a child of your own, you will be where I am now;
waking up into a whole new world, a world so frightening and challenging,
but also more beautiful than anything you could ever imagine;
and YOU will be where I am now...
remembering that there once was a time.
(2007)
#LoveMotherhoodSon