I like to think i like myself
Dont we all?
I like to think of myself as loving
but it might as well be fear.
I like to think im funny
or mybe just a very good people pleaser
after all i’ve been training for years.
I dont like to think im lazy
but deep down i really really really
hate doing the things that im not willing.
Even the things i love doing i drop
unwillingness runs through my veins
unless its for somebody else
then every doubt lays shut,
hours upon shifts
upon days upon weeks,
determination suddenly moves me.
It wiggles my mind a certain way
seeing others smile
knowing it was my doing
that’s when i grow wild.
This persona got me a gf
friends
people who look like they care,
but, is this truly living?
Am i really being myself?
I sure hope this isnt me
but i dont know anybody else.
I like to think i have it all figured out
probably the rest do too
not to be cocky
but my facade is flawless all around.
Easy to do when all i am is fearful
that all of you will someday cut me out.
Ruthless to think i deserve to be loved,
that i’ll be if everyone thinks im cool,
if i continue to be nice for you,
but how could i be deserving?
When all i am to myself is cruel.
