My Internal Affairs
Those fighting depression
Everyday is a challenge when there is a physical pain that sits somewhere inside you, somewhere you cannot quite place.
It feels like you are missing a piece.
Like you’re broken.
Like the part that holds you together is disintegrated
and has left through the scars on your wrists.
Like you are just a frame of the body
and your sole is heavy
and sinking down into your heels.
Like with the pull of just one string
and you will shatter into a thousand tiny pieces
and fall right through the cracks in the sidewalk that the street sweeper never quite reaches. And you don’t know if someone will try
and pick you up
and put you back together.
But you also don’t know if you want them too.
You want to feel better, you just don’t know how.
It’s not fun being like this.
It’s like being on a string like a kite
and floating suspended in the air
and wanting to come down,
but the person on the end isn’t pulling you down
and you can’t just fall cause you’re caught in the wind so you just sit,
floating.
You want down so bad,
but the person on the end of the string isn’t listening.
You’re yelling and screaming but going nowhere.
It feels like your only option is to cut the string
and fly away into the wind
and be done.
No fear,
nothing dragging you down.
But if you cut that string there is no going back.
You didn’t choose to be like this,
nobody does.
It’s a exhausting way to live.
Fighting
with yourself for survival
(2014)
#Depression