The Moralist
Three other soldier blokes 'n’ me packed
‘ome from foreign lands;
Bit into each the God of Battles’ everlastin’
brands.
They limped in time, 'n’ coughed in tune, 'n’
one was short an ear,
‘N’ one was short a tier of ribs 'n’ all was
short of beer.
I speaks up like a temp’rance gent,
But ever since the sky was bent
The thirst of man 'as never yet bin squenched
with argument.
Bill’s skull was welded all across, Jim ‘ad an
eye in soak,
Sam ’obbled on a patent leg, 'n’ every man
was broke;
They sang a song of “Mother” with their faces
titled up.
Says Bill-o: “'Ere’s yer 'eroes, sling the
bloomin’ votive cup!
We got no beer, the soup was bad–
Now oo will stand the soldier lad
The swag of honest liquor that for years he
hasn’t 'ad?”
Sez I: “Respeck yer uniform! Remember
oo you are!”
They’d pinched a wicker barrer, ‘arf a pram
’n’ ‘arf a car.
In this ole Bill-o nestled ’neath a blanket, on
his face
A someone’s darlin’ sorter look, a touch iv
boy’ood’s grace.
The gentle ladies stopped to ‘ear,
’N’ dropped a symperthetic tear,
A dollar or a deener for the pore haff1ict
dear.
The others trucked the wounded to a hentrance
up a lane.
I sez: “Sich conduck’s shameful!” Bill-o
took to ease his pain
One long ‘un and another. The conductor
picked his brand;
The gripman lent his countenance to wot he
’ad in 'and.
And when they moved their stand ’twas
Sam
Lay pale 'n’ peaceful in the pram,
‘N’ twenty flappers stroked his paw, 'n’ said
he was a lamb.
The gathered in the tokens and they blooed
‘em as above,
While Jim-o done the hinvalid ’oom Sammy
had to shove.
Sez I: “No noble 'eroes what’s bin fightin’
for their king
Should smirch theirselves by doin’ this dis–
‘onerable thing.”
But fine old gents 'n’ donahs prim
They stopped 'n’ slid the beans to Jim.
You betcher life I let ‘im hear just what I
though of ’im.
Nine, g.m. at St. Kilder, saw the finish of the
prowl.
Each ‘ad his full-’n’-plentv, and was blowin’
in the tow’l.
As neither bloke cud stand alone, they leaned
‘n’ argufied
Which was the patient sufferer oo’s turn it was
to ride.
Each 'eld a san’wich and a can.
Sez I: “This shouldn’t ‘ave began–
’Tain’t conduck wot it worthy of a soldier and
a man.”
I cud 'a’ cried with injured pride. Afore a
push the three
Got scrappin’, vague 'n’ foolish, which the
cripple boy should be.
Sam slips his scientific leg, 'n’ flings it in the
drain–
“I’ll auto 'ome,” he sez, “or never see me
‘ome again.”
But I am thinkin’ ‘ard oo he
Tucked ’elpiess in the pram might be.
Comes sudden reckerlection. Great Gohan–
ners, it is me!
