Cristina

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I thought about you again today– but then again, I think about you everyday
I could dream our perfect dream and fake like it’s all going to happen
The deep part of me, the part you have yet to meet has met doubt
At first it hurt, but the pain faded and opened a world around me, the world outside of you
I start to see the lover I over looked and the opportunity I gave up
I’ve felt so lost and out of control
And every time I feel better your words hit me
The notions of your life, my life– not our life
I used to see it more, but dreaming is what I do
I walk around waiting for you to reach out but you’re too far
I get others instead, people I’ve never considered
and the ones I’ve turned away from
I ache to dream about you, to find that place that was meant for you and I
I want to rid you but instead I keep you
I want to find where my life has gone and try to catch up to it
but your picture is holding me back
I deleted them all, the photos and messages saved
I couldn’t keep going through them while waiting for a reply
The things you’ve already lived through, the life you grew out of
is what I am stuck in now
I just want that love back, I need your reassurance but all I am waiting for is
your reply
The more I wait, the more I delete and forget
The more the boy who opened the door, the one left behind
or the idea of running away become a part of me
and you do not

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