Sometimes
Sometimes I feel like I am going crazy in the skin that I wear
Like everything I do is not enough like everything I am is not enough.
But there is so much of me
Literally
There is a huge amount of me and yet every part of me has this tendency to feel not enough.
My parents couldn’t understand that No one can
It’s my battle
It’s the battle of my insecurities and securities
No one could get it because I can’t articulate it myself
Sitting here now trying type this out and just grasp a millisecond of how I feel in one microscopic moment is difficult
It’s like that feeling when the wave crashes over your head and for a second you think you should let your body go and wade in the water and see where it takes you but you can never fully let go
Every fear and emotion kicks in and you gasp your way to the top
trying to play it cool like your plan was to get swept away but that was never the truth
You lose yourself all sense and control of who you are and what you stand for in just a few brief second as it crashes over and tumbles you down and around
That’s where I am at
I am in the moment between gasping for the top
and letting myself get swept away
I hope I wake up soon but then sometimes I just hope that I sleep forever
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