By Stanley Collymore

Few if any physiological conceptions whether leading to
failed or successful pregnancies and certainly none
that I know of were so meticulously planned as
this one! A pleasurable task undoubtedly
for me but even so somewhat circumscribed by the
urgency of your mother’s obsession in wanting
a son, having consecutively produced three
daughters: Andrea, unfortunately now
deceased, Lynne and Beverley, in
the preceding marriage she’d
intentionally relinquished
for her after that current
one, which evidently
did subsequently
in fact involve
her and me.

Unconcernedly, and to be exact, it didn’t bother me in
the least and discernibly as a matter of fact what of
the two genders you actually turned out to be, and
most especially so both from my own personal
perspective as well as expressly that within
my own family where my four sisters—
respectively and just as proud of their
Barbadian ancestry, and themselves
like me intimately connected to Bajan culture and
society where nobody would ever be, as is so
asininely commonplace in British white,
Asian and Jewish communities even
remotely much less so decidedly
disposed and often exclusively
as well towards male gender, and other distinctly
ambiguous ones in between, preferences and
pre-eminence which then correspondingly
guarantee the prejudiced prolongation
of real female gender inequality—
noticeably outnumbered in my
own family the unworried
lesser presence all-round
of my brother and me.
And in those given
circumstances your
gender was, and
still is, Stanley
of no germane
significance!

However, what was of significance to us, and as a family had
been so all along, was that when you eventually came into
this world after your stipulated nine months and two
weeks stint in your Mummy’s tummy, and like
the quintessential football striker, OK soccer
forward to the uninitiated, which you later
became in the English Premier League
and I must admit most impeccably
maintained in respect of your
birth with you promptly arriving on January 22nd
of that year and somewhat providentially as
it happened preceding by two days the
anniversary date when your mother
and I initially met, was from my
family’s perspective and quite
predictably my own that on
putting in what was your
very first appearance so
long as your precious bits and pieces were perfectly
intact, functioning properly– and appreciatively
from a father’s standpoint you’ve admirably
and competently established that over the
years– you Stanley who truly were a
most welcomed and treasured baby
and with God’s gracious blessing
were also indisputably, robustly
and informally rudely in good
health that we as a family having collectively:
both privately and openly, surmised and
even anticipated all sorts of amazing
things for you are splendidly and
unapologetically pleased, I must
truthfully say; and on this I’m
not alone, even though you
decided to play football
rather than cricket, at
how you’ve tuned
out Son. And so
here’s wishing
you in closing
a genuinely
remarkable
Birthday!

© Stanley V. Collymore
22 January 2016.

The Celebratory Thoughts of the Author of this Poem:
For the exquisitely charming, stunningly handsome, absolutely intelligent, physically adroit, spontaneously and incredibly articulate– my God you haven’t half genetically inherited a plethora of truly outstanding characteristics from me (laugh) never mind the South Staffordshire accent that you acquired from childhood (smile) but who better than you in the circumstances to give it an uplifting standing.

Someone uniquely in British society that with breathtaking integrity, likewise like me, openly, forthrightly, honestly, rationally and intrepidly speaks his mind at all times regardless of who chooses to get offended by what you say.

Consequently, what can your biological family including me wish for you on this your special day, and furthermore express to you who have everything going for you, outside continued excellent health coupled with traditional and renowned Barbadian longevity? Except to say we’re all immensely proud of you and additionally would like to suggest that you carry on conscionably giving the surfeit of morons out there the absolute hell they deserve; I know I shall!

In conclusion from your Barbados and British branches of the Collymore Family, our Diaspora across the Caribbean, in Guyana, Belize, Panama, the United States of America– incidentally your first cousin there Jackie who you were inseparable from when you were both kids and she at the time lived in Reading with her parents prior to my sister, her mother, and my brother in law, her father, migrating with her to America has specifically asked that I include her in this birthday tribute dedicated to you; so too your second cousins, also originally from Reading England, and other close relatives of ours in Canada– and of course the growing Collymore family in Germany.

All of whom sincerely wish you a tremendously unforgettable birthday and many more of the same in the future. And as your father I wholeheartedly endorse their every sentiment!