Suggestions in lieu of not being properly toilet trained!
By Stanley Collymore
This is a public toilet and you’re here simply to either
have a pee in it or, in conjunction with that action,
to essentially defecate – not read the daily news–
papers, cogitate on your personal problems,
how best you can solve the most urgent
ones or even the lot of them – some chance of the
latter ever materializing in an automated time
segmented, lavatory environment like this
one that you’re currently sitting in, or
to even craftily use your allotted
time in here to pleasurably
masturbate yourself
to an orgasm.
So do hurry up with whatsoever it is that you
either propose to or actually engaged in
doing, as you have only ten minutes
in the interim to finish whatever it is that you’ve
embarked on with apparent enthusiasm. And
hopefully after that, and when you’re quite
sure you’re done, suitably cleanse your
bottom and afterwards hygienically
thoroughly wash and dry your
hands. As besides, in the
growing queue outside,
there are other pro–
spective toilet
users urgently
waiting to
get in.
© Stanley V. Collymore
16 August 2019.
Author’s Remarks:
You can, of course, if you so wish dismiss this poem simply as toilet humour, which naturally is your entitlement to do. But for me: a very staunch and an assuredly ongoing hygienist all my life, there’s a serious purpose to this poem that I’ve most consciously written.
Personal hygiene, unfortunately I have to say, isn’t a very strong point or customary practice in public facilities across Britain, and with many Britons – and you rightly know this – very much involved in that repulsive state of affairs. Public toilets and restaurants being two amongst other venues that are wholly culpable in this; and one dreads to think of what actually goes on in many private UK homes.
Particularly so, when it’s well documented that significant numbers of British children of normal school age are turning up for school and the classes therein but who themselves have not even been properly potty-trained.
This conjoined with what is the customary situation in Britain – and please don’t try to deny this as the visible proof is there for anyone with eyes to see – where the routine washing of one’s hands after using the toilet is a rarity for many Brits; and consequently is on a par with winning the Euro-Millions jackpot lottery. So do something positive about your unhygienic practices, please!
