Charles Bukowski

Ham on Rye: 27

Wagner wasn’t done with us. I was standing in the yard during gym class when he walked up to me.
“What are you doing, Chinaski?”
“Nothing.”
“Nothing?”
I didn’t answer.
“How come you’re not in any of the games?”
“Shit. That’s kid stuff.”
“I’m putting you on garbage detail until further notice.”
“What for? What’s the charge?”
“Loitering. 50 demerits.”
The kids had to work off their demerits on garbage detail. If you had more than ten demerits and didn’t work them off, you couldn’t graduate. I didn’t care whether I graduated or not. That was their problem. I could just stay around getting older and older and bigger and bigger. I’d get all the girls.
“50 demerits?" I asked. “Is that all you’re going to give me? How about
a hundred?”
“O.K., one hundred. You got 'em.”
Wagner swaggered off. Peter Mangalore had 500 demerits. Now I was in second place, and gaining . . .
The first garbage detail was during the last thirty minutes of lunch.
The next day I was carrying a garbage can with Peter Mangalore. It was simple. We each had a stick with a sharp nail on the end of it. We picked up papers with the stick and stuck them into the can. The girls watched us as
we walked by. They knew we were bad. Peter looked bored and I looked
like I didn’t give a damn. The girls knew we were bad.
“You know Lilly Fischman?” Pete asked as we walked along.
“Oh, yes, yes.”
“Well, she’s not a virgin.”
“How do you know?”
“She told me.”
“Who got her?”
“Her father.”
“Hmmm . . . Well you can’t blame him.”
“Lilly’s heard I’ve got a big cock.”
“Yeah, it’s all over school.”
“Well, Lilly wants it. She claims she can handle it.”
“You’ll rip her to pieces.”
“Yeah, I will. Anyhow, she wants it.”
We put the garbage can down and stared at some girls who were sitting
on a bench. Pete walked toward the bench. I stood there. He walked up to one of the girls and whispered something in her ear. She started giggling. Pete walked back to the garbage can. We picked it up and walked away.
“So,” said Pete, "this afternoon at 4 p.m. I’m going to rip Lilly to
pieces.”
“Yeah?”
“You know that broken-down car at the back of the school that Pop Farnsworth took the engine out of?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, before they haul that son-of-a-bitch away, that’s going to be my bedroom. I’m going to take her in the back seat.” “Some guys really live.”
“I’m getting a hard just thinking about it,” said Pete.
“I am too and I’m not even the guy who’s going to do it.” “There’s one problem though,” said Pete.
“You can’t come?”
“No, it’s not that. I need a look-out. I need somebody to tell me the coast is clear.”
“Yeah? Well, look, I can do that.”
“Would you?” asked Pete.
“Sure. But we should have one more guy so we can watch in both directions.”
“All right. Who you got in mind?”
“Baldy.”
“Baldy? Shit, he’s not much.”
“No, but he’s trustworthy.”
“All right. So I’ll see you guys at four.”
“We’ll be there.”
At four p.m. we met Pete and Lilly at the car.
“Hi!” said Lilly. She looked hot. Pete was smoking a cigarette. He
looked bored.
“Hello, Lilly,” I said.
“Hi, Lilly baby,” said Baldy.
There were some guys playing a game of touch football in the other
field but that only made it better, a kind of camouflage. Lilly was wiggling around, breathing heavily, her breasts were moving up and down.
“Well,” said Pete, throwing his cigarette away, “let’s make friends,
Lilly.”
He opened the back door, bowed, and Lilly climbed in. Pete got in after her and took his shoes off, then his pants and his shorts. Lilly looked down and saw Pete’s meat hanging.
“Oh my,” she said, “I don’t know . . .”
“Come on, baby,” said Pete, “nobody lives forever.”
“Well, all right, I guess . . .”
Pete looked out the window. “Hey, are you guys watching to see if the coast is clear?”
“Yeah, Pete,” I said, “we’re watching.”
“We’re looking,” said Baldy.
Pete pulled Lilly’s skirt all the way up. There was white flesh above
her knee socks and you could see her panties. Glorious. Pete grabbed Lilly and kissed her. Then he pulled away.
“You whore!” he said.
“Talk to me nice, Pete!”
“You bitch-whore!” he said and slapped her across the face, hard. She began sobbing. “Don’t, Pete, don’t . . .”
“Shut up, cunt!”
Pete began pulling at Lilly’s panties. He was having a terrible time.
Her panties were tight around her big ass. Pete gave a violent tug, they ripped and he pulled the panties down around her legs and off over her shoes. He threw them on the floorboard. Then he began playing with her cunt. He played with her cunt and played with her cunt and kissed her again and again. Then he leaned back against the car seat. He only had half a hard. Lilly looked down at him.
“What are you, a queer?”
“No, it’s not that, Lilly. It’s just that I don’t think these guys are
watching to see if the coast is clear. They’re watching us. I don’t
want to get caught in here.”
“The coast is clear, Pete,” I said. “We’re watching!”
“We’re watching!” said Baldy.
“I don’t believe them,” said Pete. “All they’re watching is your cunt,
Lilly.”
“You’re chicken! All that meat and it’s only at half-mast!”
“I’m scared of getting caught, Lilly.”
“I know what to do,” she said.
Lilly bent over and ran her tongue along Pete’s cock. She lapped her
tongue around the monstrous head. Then she had it in her mouth.
“Lilly . . . Christ,” said Pete, “I love you . . .”
“Lilly, Lilly, Lilly . . . oh, oh, oooh ooooh . . .”
“Henry!” Baldy screamed. “LOOK!”
I looked. It was Wagner running toward us from across the field and
also coming behind him were the guys who had been playing touch football, plus some of the people who had been watching the football game, boys and girls both.
“Pete!” I yelled, "It’s Wagner coming with 50 people!”
“Shit!” moaned Pete.
“Oh, shit,” said Lilly.
Baldy and I took off. We ran out the gate and halfway up the block. We
looked back through the fence. Pete and Lilly never had a chance. Wagner ran up and ripped open the car door hoping for a good look. Then the car was surrounded and we couldn’t see any more . . .
After that, we never saw Pete or Lilly again. We had no idea what
happened to them. Baldy and I each got 1,000 demerits which put me in the lead over Mangalore with 1,100. There was no way I could work them off. I was in Mt. Justin for life. Of course, they informed our parents.
“Let’s go,” said my father, and I walked into the bathroom. He got the
strop down.
“Take down your pants and shorts,” he said. I didn’t do it. He reached
in front of me, yanked my belt open, unbuttoned me and yanked my pants down. He pulled down my shorts. The strop landed. It was the same, the same explosive sound, the same pain.
“You’re going to kill your mother!” he screamed. He hit me again. But
the tears weren’t coming. –My eyes were strangely dry. I thought about
killing him. That there must be a way to kill him. In a couple of years I
could beat him to death. But I wanted him now. He wasn’t much of anything. I must have been adopted. He hit me again. The pain was still there but the
fear of it was gone. The strop landed again. The room no longer blurred. I could see everything clearly. My father seemed to sense the difference in me and he began to lash me harder, again and again, but the more he beat me the less I felt. It was almost as if he was the one who was helpless. Something
had occurred, something had changed. My father stopped, puffing, and I heard him hanging up the strop. He walked to the door. I turned.
“Hey,” I said.
My father turned and looked at me.
“Give me a couple more,” I told him, “if it makes you feel any better.”
“Don’t you dare talk to me that way!” he said. I looked at him.
I saw folds of flesh under his chin and around his neck. I saw sad wrinkles and crevices. His face was tired pink putty. He was in his undershirt, and
his belly sagged, wrinkling his undershirt. The eyes were no longer fierce.
His eyes looked away and couldn’t meet mine. Something had happened. The bath towels knew it, the shower curtain knew it, the mirror knew it, the
bathtub and the toilet knew it. My father turned and walked out the door. He knew it. It was my last beating. From him.

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