Thank you for taking the time to love me like you did back then,
I really do appreciate it, but oddly enough I don’t need it.
Through these years, it’s been hard but along the way my petals have blossomed on their own.

I met a few who sparked the what I thought had died light hidden in the caves of my salted heart.
But they just ended up breaking the caves, tearing them down and throwing more and more rocks to make the cave, a wall.
They used words and actions that were like butter on a knife and sliced my heart into two pieces.

All I am now is just a Human, a skeleton full of bones and flesh.
No heart but a brain, a brain that has been punched in the 17 years of my life,
Addictions turned my life upside down,
Cigarettes made my cherry tinted lips into a sour blueberry.
Alcohol soaked in my veins and flowing down my blood like a river.
Scars on my arms look like roots waiting for a tree to finally bloom, in a empty field full of broken dreams.

I can’t dare to love,
Nor can I love to dare,
You have someone who may love you, do not fall back into my temptations of what you think I am, because I am not who you think I am.
Do break another heart because of what you percieve me to be, the girl who you may have fallen for but you’re just lusting.

I’m learning to love myself, learn to love yourself too, don’t waste your love on a person like me because One Day I’m just going to disappear like clouds in an ocean sky. But thank you for caring, for being there for me, for checking up on me, but do not have expectations of me anymore. I may be your reason to write, but I am certainly not going to be your reason to live.

I don’t want to be anybody’s reason to live or to love, that’s just stupid, bullshit kind of love everyone wants, write for yourself, for the world, love yourself, love those who are willing to love you. Don’t be chasing shadows of the past who are having trouble coping with love themselves.

Thank you,
Apsana.