Husbands are things that wives have to get used to putting up with. And with whom they breakfast with and sup with. They interfere with the discipline of nurseries, They ...

The doctor gets you when you’re bo… The preacher, when you marry, And the lawyer lurks with costly c… If too much on you carry. Professional men, they have no car…

I sit in an office at 244 Madison… And say to myself You have a resp… Why then do you fritter away your… If you have a sore throat you can… If you have a sore foot you can ge…

So Thomas Edison Never drank his medicine; So Blackstone and Hoyle Refused cod-liver oil; So Sir Thomas Malory

I find it very hard to be fair-min… About people who go around being a… I just can’t see any fun In soaring up up up into the sun When the chances are still a fresh…

My fellow man I do not care for. I often ask me, What’s he there f… The only answer I can find Is, Reproduction of his kind. If I’m supposed to swallow that,

Hypochondriacs Spend the winter at the bottom of… the Adirondriacs. You go to Paris and live on champ… If you’re dipsomognac.

Sure, deck your limbs in pants, Yours are the limbs, my sweeting. You look divine as you advance . .… Have you seen yourself retreating?

Foreigners are people somewhere el… Natives are people at home; If the place you’re at Is your habitat, You’re a foreigner, say in Rome.

One cantaloupe is ripe and lush, Another’s green, another’s mush. I’d buy a lot more cantaloupe If I possessed a fluoroscope.

Children aren’t happy with nothing… And that’s what parents were creat…

For years we’ve had a little dog, Last year we acquired a big dog; He wasn’t big when we got him, He was littler than the dog we had… We thought our little dog would lo…

A child need not be very clever To learn that “Later, dear” means…

One way to be very happy is to be… For then you can buy orchids by th… And yet at the same time People d… Because it’s very funny But somehow if you’re rich enough…