I don’t want to have to say it
Online, through text
And certainly not phone.
I want to swallow my fear,
To say my piece,
To tell you, that I think
We might have a chance.
But I can’t wait.
I can’t wait until I next see you
Because I fear that I will struggle
Stuttering words,
starting again and again and repeating myself.
I fear the eyes that crease
in sympathy,
The cringe and small smile
As I am told
no
So I say it then
Online
My only communication
letters on a screen.
Where you can’t see the shaking.
Or my hear my heart racing.
There is no crack in my voice
If no words are being spoken.
I wish I could say it to your face,
And watch those eyes widen in joy,
And a smile speak the words yes.
I saw that once.
Now, I don’t even see you to ask,
And so by initial failing
I am left only able to speak
Online.