I cried so many tears, I filled up my entire room, I drifted away, drowning in ill acknowledgement. I felt so much, I hurt so much, I kept it in, it never showed. I denied, I faceded so well, I believe I tricked myself.
I cried so many tears, and even after all these years, they haven’t stopped. I thought I forgot the pain, I thought I didn’t need that pain, it shaped me, and I molded. Then my mold, heard the same sculpture, a reminder, it triggered a memory, it broke everything apart. And I felt it again.
I drift back to a memory, daunting, echoes and flashes of pain. I believed it was real. All of it. Then it stoped. I breathed. And never inhaled again. I started too, abandoning the thoughts, and ofcourse the little echoes crept thru the cracks. I never faced my daunting memories so they haunted me like a doll in the attic, except the doll was me, and I lived in the latter. I fell down, a rabbit hole if you will. I fixed myself. I wanted too, so I made myself feel everything, and see and hear and know. I screamed, I told, I never backed down. They said I was strong, but that’s only because if you build so many walls there gonna make you tough. But inside I’m broken. I finally saw it. The stupidness, my head got ahold of me again. I wanted to be right, I wanted to win. But if love wasn’t real, then it didn’t exist, then all you did was force it. How do you evolve? Can you explain that? Riddle me this:
I stood again. I pictured myself whole, I faced my fears and I stood strong, the questions daunt me, but my strength lies within not without. I told myself to breathe. I tell myself to laugh. I tell myself it’s okay to love, and have love gone. It’s okay to have fleeted memories. It’s okay to have hurt. You tell yourself all this, you feel whole, but you hear one thing and it drags you back in that mold. I’m broken. And I’m stitched together. I’m truly a masterpiece. And the one who loves the rough, gets the diamond. Call it cliche? Or unoriginal.
But if you actually dig, Actually truly understand yourself, and can see someone’s beauty, beyond there own sight. You will see and believe, and grow there little seed, and that is beautiful. And creative. And you, you will have strength within that. You are beautiful. You are whole.