What would we Brits do without having the weather to talk or moan about, eh? (Poem)
By Stanley Collymore
Why do we needlessly keep cherishing the seasons in Britain
when in actuality there’s no difference nowadays between
any of them? I say this because I can well remember
the time when there was a clear distinction, let’s
say, between Spring and Winter but woefully
those days are long gone; and when, pray
tell, can you honestly remember or else vividly recall
when we all had good old-fashioned pristine snow
and lots of it on Christmas Day and the rest of
the time too, which to every one of us who,
overall, fortunately and specifically knew
and actually felt that it was most aptly
and becoming in the circumstances
to be attributed and labelled as a
cyclic change and winter time.
Instead, our current and allegedly winter-weather as
well as Winter itself have decidedly morphed into
rather poor facsimiles of essentially and quite
strikingly what was formerly Spring, while
Spring itself has bafflingly been radically
transformed into a drab, dreary, grimly
snowy-white and the evident facade
for a conventional winter-type scenario where, not
infrequent to see, hail storms, snow downpours
and all manner of icy cold and gusty weather
profusely bombards our British landscape
with total impunity, and in this process
ridiculously fashioning in the making
a decidedly Artic-type environment
that in numerous respects, and for
me in all frankness is manifestly
less exciting or in any weighty
sense uplifting weather-wise
as one could pragmatically
expect to find in Iceland
let alone in Greenland.
For all that this climatic commotion with its comparative
attendant and, for me, debilitating anxiety and infernal
annoyance basically does, is to strongly emphasize
the accustomed and exasperating British social
custom and culture of incessantly talking at
every stipulated probability or concocted
opportunity afforded to them, for most
Brits to rather garrulously talk about the bloody weather,
whether in standard, as well improvised or intuitively
manufactured conversations. Seemingly, the only
clear thing in a country, the United Kingdom,
where the majority of people either visibly
with a distinct apathetic attitude towards
or a perceptible and at best minimalist
opinion, or convincingly none at all,
on most things regularly; however
when it absolutely involves the
British weather, none the less
conspicuously and precisely
have no reticence at all in
strongly exhibiting their
longsuffering and more
consensual unanimity.
Stanley V. Collymore
27 October 2017.
Author’s Remarks:
Essentially while this is a tongue-in-the cheek article and poem there’s nevertheless more than a grain of salt in relation to the truth and about what I’m saying. And whether one believes that the kinds of unpredictable weather patterns that we’ve been experiencing for some time is as a direct consequence of global warming that itself stems from the inconsiderate and even malicious actions brought about by human activities or are simply the result of a cyclical situation that has been going on for millennia and ever since this inhabited planet we live on and call Earth was created, or is a combination in greater or lesser form of these two things, is for every one of you who is all that bothered to make your own analytical judgement on.
Then, of course, there are the speculative suggestions that mankind, who has both been a general benefit as well as an infernal curse to this planet we call home while often quite arrogantly and most conveniently forgetting that there are other species of animals as well as other creatures that live here too and in most cases have been on Earth for far longer than Homo sapiens has been, have embarked on and even managed to utilize insidious means, these elements of human kind obsessed with their ludicrous and delusional notions of superiority coupled with a divine right to rule and control everyone and everything on this planet and just as idiotically feel themselves imbued with an unchallengeable right to the perceived concept of their own exclusivism in all matters, to effectively control the weather and malevolently use it for their own purposes and endeavours, is another bone of contention we apparently have to deal with.
Truthfully, I’ve no categorical proof that anything of the sort in respect of the weather is happening, but putting that aside and fully knowledgeable about the kind of people that this human scum are, I personally wouldn’t put anything past them.
Suffice to say that whoever does what or nothing at all to the weather there’s nothing that I can personally and on my own do about it nor want to idly speculate about for that matter. For I guess that in being basically a Brit what essentially I want to, and like others prefer to do, and specifically in my case when I’ve nothing better to do, is like all the rest of you, in one way or the other, to culturally moan about it.
