BVC/ATB
HAIKUS’; MOMENTS OF TRUTH, PAIN, AND UNCERTAINTY
By and from Anthony T Blake (Bullwinkle Von Coffeehausen)
“The harshest criticism is often the silent reflection from the mirror of ones life” (ATB)
Unanswered for now
To whom and when will we meet
I know I matter
Say you will or go
Disappear into shadows
Of love and deceit
Love found then love lost
Time will find another one
Is there enough time
I remember her
I wish I would forget her
Nothing left but pain
The thorn of the rose
Brings balance to the beauty
Remember the pain
Love found then love lost
Time will find another one
Is there enough time
I remember her
I wish I would forget her
Nothing left but pain
The thorn of the rose
Brings balance to the beauty
Remember the pain
Turning twisting round
Down under the well of tears
No bucket in sight
Awoken startled
Subconscious feelings arise
Releasing the pain/fear
Half-alive half dead
Not sure, which is which some days
Ghost walking alone
Missing within me
The love that was torn away
Was only a lie
So tired of feeling
The void of no one loving
Just want to be held
Forgetting all done
Pleasure erased by the lies
Memories won’t sleep
Half alive without
Release me to the darkness
The haunting numbness
I’ve become so numb
The shadows engulf my heart
Wake me up inside
Falling forever
Glass cage entombs endless hope
Love waits quietly
Erase my scars please
Before they encompass me
Forever falling
Any one but you
Rather forever alone
Final resting place
An earth bound angel
From my dreams into my life
No more do I want
Suicide transfer
Pain is gone with side effects
Suffer the living
From behind blue eyes
Images realized through pain
Scars left on my heart
I feel the presence
Real or imaginative
Not sure it matters
Longing for the call
To be connected again
Must find an exit
My earth bound angel
I’m holding on to heaven
Erase my scars please
I’m not bulletproof
Too hard to handle, just love
My heart is drowning
Your decision now/My funeral now
Black and blue give way to you
A painful lesson
Show me through your eyes
The life I’ve never yet lived
Sunrise to sunset
Forgetting all done
Pleasure erased by the lies
Memories won’t stop/sleep
Half alive without
Release me to the darkness
The haunting numbness
She comes in like rain
She leaves me sunburned and scarred
Peeling life away
Can’t escape karma
What comes around goes around
Karma never sleeps
When I’m without love
So tired of feeling empty
Can’t erase the pain
Selfish controlling
Demanding unrelenting
Ready to be done
Wake me up inside
Born to die alone empty
Pain is all I know
Damaged diseased hurt
All that I love infected
All I want hidden
Medicate the pain
Sweep away the memories
I want them to stop
Squeeze the life away
Every day the pain bleeds through
Salvation never
The sword runs through me
The words tear my life to shreds
Tears like razors rip
I’ve become so numb
The anger I feel scares me
I need peace within
Now no reflection
The mirror is faded out
The real I see not
The dreams make no sense
The places and the people
Humiliation
Day and night are one
My memories hurt longer
Now I die longer
Come and take me home
Meet me on the other side
I count the moments
Disappear for good
A fading memory past
Never to return
You left me empty
A bottomless void of pain
Emotional rape
Speak I will listen
Love me I will cherish you
Help me trust again
I’m bruised and broken
Suffering looking wanting
Wanting needing love
Memories linger
Dreams invade no peace in sight
Numb the pain I wish
Her eyes they ignite
Her smile warms my inner soul
She captivates me
I want to know her
Her company I desire
She is pure and true
Some of my days are
Some days are worse than others
I don’t care some days
Remember the day
I try to forget the day
I want to forget
Across this divide
Every truth I deny
Will hurt longer I
In the beginning
A thousand days have passed since
A new beginning
Still bruised and broken
Still searching for some answers
Wading through the pain
Can not leave just yet
Been wronged by those I trusted
Must settle the score
Damn dreams go away
Pain you bring I can’t erase
Draining sleeplessness
If life was easy
Overcoming it would not
Relinquish the gold
Silence surrounds me
Fragile the human spirit
On autopilot
Dance the dance of life/A double edged sword
I won’t be broken again
Up from the ashes
The skies are crying
My inner self is weeping
The puddles consume
Crawling to myself
The person I’ve always been
Must endure the pain
Coming back for more
Misery loves company
The fire is burning
Can’t remember when
Don’t want to remember now
Can’t seem to forget
Let the walls fall down
Forget the lies and deceit
Allow love again
Engulfed by the fog
A stormy sea full of rage
Crashed upon the rocks
Velvet butterfly
Spread your wings and fly to me
To be the true you/To be true to you
Love and compassion
Be faithful to you and I
Love it is fleeting
Encompass my heart
My soul is your prisoner
You are my lifeblood
Life one shot away
The end is drawing nearer
The answer is within reach
Tears and loneliness
Extreme pleasure then more pain
Loneliness and tears
Patience is my foe
Silent as the tears seep in
My love is ravished
Intoxicating
Perpendicular to me
Nirvana the end
My heart is broken
Sleep never comes soon enough
Dark angels take me
I’m going under
I can’t breathe I can’t believe
Please keep me under
Surrender to me
Your truth, compassion, your all
And I will follow
Breathe no more I bleed
Blood rains down like the fallen
Bleed now breathe no more
Tonight it ends here
I can taste it in my tears
Tomorrow won’t come
My heart belongs not
My path is in the shadows
Love is a stranger
I feel dead within
Lies and deceit shred what’s left
No reason to stay
There’s a place for us
It exist where we two are
We keep it sacred
Imagined realness
Whisper me your intentions
Life breathed in to me
I remember you
I trusted your love before
Taking over me
Downward I’m falling
Shelter of your heart keeps me
From going under
Body clock tick tock
You give me reason to feel
All moments are yours
Sometimes I wonder/wander
Why and how I continue
I wonder/wander no more
Sweet golden angel
Your beauty and smile linger
In my memory
Student and teacher
Friend, companion, source of pride
My inspiration
Father son connect
Reality closes in
Door slammed in my face
Demons bleeding out
Containment system failing
Pain, anger rising
Voices to be heard
Within them a hunger stirs
Suffer the children
An eternity
Been waiting for her so long
Fall down upon me
Will you disappear
Into the shadows of time
A lost memory
Awaken my heart
To feel the pleasure again
Made of stone no more
All taken away
Nothing left but truth and love
Will it be enough
The other side calls
Resist the desire to leave
The nightmares beckon
Words spoke on the wind
Which then blows before the rain
All I need is you
Across the blue sky
On our way to destiny
My Anastasa
Not leaving just
Anther hole in her heart
One last life to take
I will come for you
Never gonna be alone
Kiss me one last time
Where do I begin
Afraid to love yet want love
My love where are you
Help me bridge the gap
Into the light of your life
Must escape the dark
Used for your pleasure
Never mind I’ll find someone
Unlike you and true
Whispers to ashes
I’m in here, can you hear me
Monumental death
A moment of joy
Years being caged by the noose
Tired of defending
Each moment away
Only confirms what I know
You are forever
Whispers and ashes
All we know is all we are
Safe from the wreckage
Pain is familiar
Love, trust, so ugly, foreign
Dysfunction surrounds
Another wall falls
Life support at critical
Approaching failure
Love and promises
Familiar taste of poison
A slow death waits me
Hiding in the noise
Waiting alone for my truth
Life holds no mercy
My path is altered
Take me back to who I am
The path is hidden
Four letters ignite
Energy so sensual
Your scent directs me
A new fear and pain
A new high and a new love
And the winner is
Endless tears falling
Ice inside keeps me frozen
Invisible Man
I’m broken all gone
Reality is surreal
All taken away
Nothing left I have
Life water is black and blue
Erase me from here/her
Fear our immortal
Time and love lost forever
Our love immortal
Save me a prayer
Pray for me to find my way
Love and compassion
A path avoided
Runaway you runaway
You hide within you
Bringing me to life
The cold dark abyss of pain
War within remains
Light and dark struggle
A jigsaw puzzle of life
Cut deep still bleeding
Scars reminding me
No erasing the mistakes
A pool full of tears
Secret door to love
Directions destroyed by lies
She may hold the key
Torn like shredded clothes
Love for two, enough for one
The past, the future
Their eyes draw me in
Their presence taunts my desire
Friend, lover, I’m torn
Miss the misery
Dysfunction a warm blanket
Infected with pain
Nourish my body
Love, sex, laughter, then the push
Shards of glass rip through
Please hit me again
It hurts less than the waiting
Nine one one speed dial
The taste of my blood
You carve me like a surgeon
Keeping me alive
For you I’m still here
Once again, I rise above
Easier to die
Loved too hard, too long
I became expendable
Love a little less
You breathe in deeply
Feel the love I have for you
Set the anger free (ACL)
Give me a reason
And I’ll turn my heart around
Or I’ll go away
Brought me back to life
Hydrating a frozen heart
Addicted to love
My heart you possess
My love and trust you possess
You have set me free
I want forgiveness
I’m lost, wounded, and confused
I need peace within
You see through the walls
You see that which is hidden
You see, you see me
The man no one knew
Existed to very few
Life behind blue eyes
Truth and pain seem one
Words and actions seem foreign
Wisdom a stranger
Lonely is the night
When all I have are my dreams
Sweat and tears wake me
Did I get too close
Did the truth trigger a hurt
Will you run or fight
Hopeless no option
Pain or not an illusion
Feed my soul its fire
Leather and satin
Bound pleasure, pain and freedom
Balance your living
Reflection or me
Which is which, why should I care
Imaginary
I’m missing something
Good enough for a short while
Lost in Paradise
Bleed to disappear
The past that holds the triggers
Erase the patterns
Fear of losing love
A life forgotten to live
A love that is not
No suicide yes
Give everyone a reason
To know they matter
I see time passing
Lost at the edge of darkness
I feel time passing
Silver moonlight burns
The promise to stand my ground
Forsaken no more
Imagined realness
Whisper me your intentions
Life breathed in to me
Dreams manifested
Memories breathing my air
Choking part of life
Nothing left to lose
I’m living on borrowed time
Empty eyes see clear
With you safe to feel
So lonely in my nightmare
Now I’ve let you in
Adjustment challenge
Out of my head lines blurring
Keep it together
Alone once again
The reason eludes my thought
A glimpse of future
Is my love enough
For her to realize her worth
For me to see mine
The edge of my world
Two hearts’ love, my paradise
Balance to survive
Everything is one
Love’s familiar taste of lies
One not everything
Covered by roses
The earth consumes the person
Energy reborn
The pain is dispersed
The earth consumes the person
Covered by roses
Cracks between the worlds
Tears from her make their way here
Her touch haunts me still
Whets the remedy
Diseased truth broken again
A careless whisper
Not whom you once knew
Life & death the same to me
The past here again
Dreams are all the same
Medicate to isolate
My thoughts are not me
Believe in the hope
Our words, are they redemption
Are they true, our words
Heat beneath the ice
Coming undone without you
My last breath is yours
Wake me up inside
Slowly dying from the dark
Looking for the light
No comfort this world
Clouded memories of peace
To be whole again
Only me to be
Hope for next generation
That he will succeed
My blood relieves you
Nothing was ever your fault
Dreams embrace the dark
Burn away the scars
Pain burrows deep within me
Blistered innocence
Listen to the sounds
The silence of loneliness
Can be deafening
Memories linger
A time & place, decades past
Unite mom & son
Her presence calms me
Her love a blessing to all
I strive to deserve
Dreams of loss invade
The war with sleep continues
Afraid to close eyes
Peace & happiness
Hidden by the fear & pain
Life comes after death
Keep those I love safe
Suffer unto me the wrath
For the hurt I’ve caused
Pain from love so real
Life being life nothing more
Beginning the end
Words spoken not meant
Dust on the wind fills my tears
Sleep not always safe
Pursuit of fortune
Blood covered words no guilt felt
Lost and so alone
Into the mirror
Different image comes back
Saved by an angel
Wrong choices right place
Another relationship
All of me this time
Voices kept at bay
Medicate then isolate
Distant drummer calls
Shelter from my dreams
The present challenges me
Shelter from my fear
Again I find you
Time holds no boundaries now
Can’t lose her again
The pain weighs heavy
An invisible anchor
Crazy and normal
Together apart
Darkness beckons through the light
Patience my master
Covered by roses
From beginning to the end
All we need is now
The force of nature
Responsible for our lives
Mother earth mother
Too much information
With or without you I am
Closer to my truth
A thoughtless whisper
From ones birth or their last breathe
Light and dark the same
Right and left beckon
Pain reveals the truth more pain
Quiet then the storm
Can’t hide from feeling
The pain and pleasure of love
The fairness of life
Relevant wrinkle
Time, space, and dimensions bend
Here to change the future
Awake for my dreams
Rain quiets the fallen tears
Beautiful you are
The last kiss is yours
The last embrace waits for you
Love endures all tests
Shelter from patterns
Destructive and born from pain
Set free by ones love
Words never to hear
Death, all that I’m living for
Feelings never felt
Pleasure needs its pain
The future starts in its past
When do we begin
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