Thomas Hardy

Her Death and After

'TWAS a death-bed summons, and forth I went
    By the way of the Western Wall, so drear
    On that winter night, and sought a gate—
       The home, by Fate,
       Of one I had long held dear.
 
    And there, as I paused by her tenement,
    And the trees shed on me their rime and hoar,
    I thought of the man who had left her lone—
       Him who made her his own
       When I loved her, long before.
 
    The rooms within had the piteous shine
    The home-things wear which the housewife miss;
    From the stairway floated the rise and fall
       Of an infant’s call,
       Whose birth had brought her to this.
 
    Her life was the price she would pay for that whine—
    For a child by the man she did not love.
    “But let that rest forever,” I said,
       And bent my tread
       To the chamber up above.
 
    She took my hand in her thin white own,
    And smiled her thanks—though nigh too weak—
    And made them a sign to leave us there;
       Then faltered, ere
       She could bring herself to speak.
 
    “'Twas to see you before I go—he’ll condone
    Such a natural thing now my time’s not much—
    When Death is so near it hustles hence
       All passioned sense
       Between woman and man as such!
 
    ”My husband is absent. As heretofore
    The City detains him. But, in truth,
    He has not been kind.... I will speak no blame,
       But—the child is lame;
       O, I pray she may reach his ruth!
 
    “Forgive past days—I can say no more—
    Maybe if we’d wedded you’d now repine!...
    But I treated you ill. I was punished. Farewell!
      —Truth shall I tell?
       Would the child were yours and mine!
 
    ”As a wife I was true. But, such my unease
    That, could I insert a deed back in Time,
    I’d make her yours, to secure your care;
       And the scandal bear,
       And the penalty for the crime!"
 
   —When I had left, and the swinging trees
    Rang above me, as lauding her candid say,
    Another was I. Her words were enough:
       Came smooth, came rough,
       I felt I could live my day.
 
    Next night she died; and her obsequies
    In the Field of Tombs, by the Via renowned,
    Had her husband’s heed. His tendance spent,
       I often went
       And pondered by her mound.
 
    All that year and the next year whiled,
    And I still went thitherward in the gloam;
    But the Town forgot her and her nook,
       And her husband took
       Another Love to his home.
 
    And the rumor flew that the lame lone child
    Whom she wished for its safety child of mine,
    Was treated ill when offspring came
       Of the new-made dame,
       And marked a more vigorous line.
 
    A smarter grief within me wrought
    Than even at loss of her so dear;
    Dead the being whose soul my soul suffused,
       Her child ill-used,
       I helpless to interfere!
 
    One eve as I stood at my spot of thought
    In the white-stoned Garth, brooding thus her wrong,
    Her husband neared; and to shun his view
       By her hallowed mew
       I went from the tombs among
 
    To the Cirque of the Gladiators which faced—
    That haggard mark of Imperial Rome,
    Whose Pagan echoes mock the chime
       Of our Christian time:
       It was void, and I inward clomb.
 
    Scarce had night the sun’s gold touch displaced
    From the vast Rotund and the neighboring dead
    When her husband followed; bowed; half-passed,
       With lip upcast;
       Then, halting, sullenly said:
 
    “It is noised that you visit my first wife’s tomb.
    Now, I gave her an honored name to bear
    While living, when dead. So I’ve claim to ask
       By what right you task
       My patience by vigiling there?
 
    ”There’s decency even in death, I assume;
    Preserve it, sir, and keep away;
    For the mother of my first-born you
       Show mind undue!
      —Sir, I’ve nothing more to say."
 
    A desperate stroke discerned I then—
    God pardon—or pardon not—the lie;
    She had sighed that she wished (lest the child should pine
       Of slights) 'twere mine,
       So I said: “But the father I.
 
    ”That you thought it yours is the way of men;
    But I won her troth long ere your day:
    You learnt how, in dying, she summoned me?
       'Twas in fealty.
      —Sir, I’ve nothing more to say,
 
    “Save that, if you’ll hand me my little maid,
    I’ll take her, and rear her, and spare you toil.
    Think it more than a friendly act none can;
       I’m a lonely man,
       While you’ve a large pot to boil.
 
    ”If not, and you’ll put it to ball or blade—
    To-night, to-morrow night, anywhen—
    I’ll meet you here.... But think of it,
       And in season fit
       Let me hear from you again."
 
   —Well, I went away, hoping; but nought I heard
    Of my stroke for the child, till there greeted me
    A little voice that one day came
       To my window-frame
       And babbled innocently:
 
    “My father who’s not my own, sends word
    I’m to stay here, sir, where I belong!”
    Next a writing came: “Since the child was the fruit
       Of your passions brute,
       Pray take her, to right a wrong.”
 
    And I did. And I gave the child my love,
    And the child loved me, and estranged us none.
    But compunctions loomed; for I’d harmed the dead
       By what I’d said
       For the good of the living one.
 
   —Yet though, God wot, I am sinner enough,
    And unworthy the woman who drew me so,
    Perhaps this wrong for her darling’s good
       She forgives, or would,
       If only she could know!
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