Grace Gavagan

I want to hold your hand

i don’t mean to burden you by following your footsteps
if you are always in the light, you cannot rid your shadow
you can be mean to me
i will stand still against your lashes
share the hurt in your heart
to tenderly lift it from your hands
in hopes when you run out of hate to give,
you will gift me love,
instead, to soothe the scars you gave me
 
your friends tell us we share the same eyes
why can’t you see me clearly?
since the beginning, your mold was always broken
will your faults be there
If nobody can see?
so you piece yourself together with anger.
i see it spill out like hot tar
touch, and get burned
my hands are calloused and cauterized,
but still i reach out for you
 
should you need a place to rest your anger
i will follow you anywhere, sister
lead me into danger
i will trust your intentions
i hope to follow you until the day we reach a sunny street
We are pure as children again,
Finally wait for me to catch up
and hold my rough hands
 
i dream i will find that your hands are rough
proving us alike after all
some indication of the imperfection we were fashioned from
there’s a childish fear in your eyes;
that you knew longer than i
You are afraid
 
Run cowardly from the eyes of who may analyze you:
Should they take a close look, your facade will unfurl
Shut me out and hide
Build walls to live so far above everyone else
they can’t make out how your front is crumbling
I will wait at the walls
As always, you never fail to impress me

This poem is an apology to my sister for the burden of being her little sister and biggest admirer. We grew up with resentment from bitter jealousy of one another, but she's always been the most important thing in my life.

#sister

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