I grew up listening to Barbara St… You don’t bring me flowers anymore and determined I’d never make that… Ten years into marriage my wife sa… Don’t bring me flowers anymore

Upon my retirement I thought to myself Maybe now I can get some work don…

Theoretically, Schrodinger’s Cat is both alive and dead at the same time In reality, cats have nine lives and one death

My handwriting analyst said my electronic signature indicates a Type A personality and that’s all she sees anymore I said

Note that the male tes– tes are exactly the size of small potatoes

1. Make so much money you could he… 2. Remind yourself that “there’s n… 3. Tell yourself you need to feed… 4. Eat like kings

Beginner is talking yourself into doing what you are going to do anyway Advanced is talking yourself out of doing

She may have lost the 2016 electio… but Hillary Clinton can claim a moral tie

If you leave well enough alone for long enough you’ll have enough to make you cry

Soft totalitarianism is like shoes That are just tight enough To remain comfortable If you don’t go anywhere

On the Mt. Rushmore of cartoon mice I would put four Jerrys

God knows In a game of hide and seek The best place to hide everything Is right in front of your nose So, you’ll never believe what I j…

In five big boardrooms on Earth There soon came to be a great mirt… At the growth in net worth That fed on a dearth In all of the people’s self-worth

The essay portion of the test Was explaining why The test only consists Of multiple-choice questions So, I wrote:

Wittgenstein let the fly out of the bottle but western philosophy was soon back on the bottle