There’s no time like the present: Do it now Like, there’s no time like the pre… Do it now, but from an ironic dist… There’s no time to like the presen…

They couldn’t have been more obvio… in their preparations for the surp… trusting that I was the type loathe to ruin my own surprise

I was happy alone Because being together Meant being lonely Until you showed me That being together

Happiness is the moment after the weight of the world is lifted from your shoulders and before it lands on your toe

One would think the earth is flat “Unless” as the Coen brothers put it “round is funny”

Inasmuch as handling gold is always a thorny affair all gold is rose gold but black gold

Language is great for Letting us tell each other Where it hurts And you keep telling me It hurts when I don’t listen

A lot of brainiacs fail to believe… Because their excellent brains Fail the brainiacs What does a brain do? Because of the ever-shifting tides…

When I filter my selfie it becomes a safie

Having heard that God is everywhe… and failing to see Him anywhere the unbeliever deduces that God is neither here nor there when, in fact, God is in the air

What I lack in subtlety I make up for in volume

In the new version of Heads I win, tails you lose People hate to be wrong But love to apologize And if you accept their apology

A mid-life crisis happens when you realize that life is a treadmill which keeps speeding up until you fall off

How anti-Semites use exegesis to… against the Jews: Step 1 – Cite Love your Enemy Step 2- Interpret

Like generals husbands are always preparing to f… while their wives are always prepa… to fight the last just war