When they drew a winner It looked like we’d won By the luck of the draw But we came by our good fortune The honest way:
Democracy was superseded not by a police state but by a witness protection progra…
It takes guts to admit you don’t belong but it’s easy to read a sign that says No admission
Asked for his thoughts on God the materialist replied Nothing doing The mystic said Exactly
Knowing is half the battle but it’s always been left unsaid t… the other half is feeling We can now definitively say that you’ll know the battle’s been…
Seeing as no good deed goes unpuni… Everyone else turned the job offer… And went back to waiting on their… Only the Jews understood that In the real world
The decisive moment at the gates o… is exactly like the denouement in Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? but with one twist To make you feel the pressure
Philosophers dream of “The view from nowhere” Granting pure objectivity Instead, we got the internet’s View from everywhere
Told to shut my mouth I took them literally Zipped my lips And held my breath Until I could stomach it no longe…
When hell freezes over we’ll all skate on our sins
The opposite of bad breath Isn’t good breath It’s fresh breath Because all breath is good So, you never have to hold your br…
I fist met Cap’n Crunch back when he was 2nd Lieutenant C… He did this weird thing where he’d… in the powdered milk powder and sa… Stays crunchy even in milk!
It is often wondered whether the v… People of the Book are reading fiction or non-fiction but since they are each reading an… of a relationship that is phenomen…
The hardest thing to face is that your dreams won’t come tru… unless your fears come true first
Life’s greatest mystery is how other people could possibly have as little interest in my Spotify playlists
