People think that their report car… will be graded Pass/Fail but since God has a mysterious rep… He gives two grades in every subje… You get an A for effort
One party rule Finally clicked in America When the ruling party rebranded As the Pajama Party
It’s easier for capitalism to end than to imagine the end of capital…
Post-pandemic life is like being a… Who comes home only to find Her parents have replaced Her obviously dead goldfish With a new one
Everybody knows That everybody hates group project… But everybody is a group project Which is why everybody hates thems… Unless the group wisdom
If I were going to rephrase the O… I’d say I believe in God because There’s no better explanation And if I were going to re-explain…
When I was a kid people grew on me like grass Now they’re more like sod
My life was about to go down the drain but the drain was clogged
The universe is a kinetic watch so time only keeps going if we’re on the move making Zeno’s paradox of motion just a way of reassuring ourselves
People don’t like surprises so I tell them they’re in for a real surprise which gives them something to look…
There was once a time when No Jews allowed Meant No Jews allowed But now they say
When we poll people about what the weather in heaven is like the most popular answer perhaps not surprisingly is like a cold day in hell
Not wanting to die We weren’t foolish enough To look God in the face Wanting to live forever We selectively remembered that Go…
I can forgive myself anything exce… All of my contingency planning Was contingent upon Sending a contingent of negotiator…
Hook-up apps have given intimacy all the allure of an oil change
