The United States’ motto is still In God We Trust but everyone knows that’s come to mean Don’t Get Your Hopes Up

People think that their report car… will be graded Pass/Fail but since God has a mysterious rep… He gives two grades in every subje… You get an A for effort

Where once man strove to move mountains now he settles for making them

The banyan tree grows up around a host tree which eventually dies leaving the banyan hollow at its c…

Everyone who uses language believes in God Prayer is the act of admitting that you believe in God

Instead of shooting bullets into t… to celebrate I raise my leaf blower towards the… On blue moons I do this from my jet ski

Our brains are just big enough to operate eight fingers and two thumbs An octopus is smart but if it also had

Looking back on college it’s unclear if I was a party animal party mineral or party vegetable

100% of success is showing up on time

Everybody wants to rule the world And along come the Jews Claiming that God rules the world But nobody wants God to rule the… Because everybody wants to rule th…

As the public version of one’s pri… social media is the recurring drea… of showing up at work without any… come true

In families adept at keeping open secrets no one expects you to state the obvious

“Did you know that your brain regularly fills in for missing information, much of the time without you even knowing that this is going on?” “(I)t happens so very quickly and without con...

I believe because I doubt sounds absurd until you realize that if there’s no doubt about it you are not free to choose

I’m not afraid of being alone and I’m not afraid of dying but I am afraid of dying alone