Telling ourselves half-truths Is worse than telling ourselves li… Because Although the truth will set you fr… Just as you can’t be half pregnant
My wife I mean my life Is a fulfillment of dreams Where I wish I were wearing pants
100% of success is showing up on time
Yes, humans suck– that’s a universal The reason we haven’t been able to fix it is that being a human doesn’t suck for eve…
If you lower the status of all mal… The high-status males will be aver… And the rest will be bottom feeder… Eating away at the foundation
In regular old capitalism we used to say time is money In the attention economy we say
When life gives you A bottomless pit Fill it with Bottomless fries
It never snows anymore in Baltimore but it did before you left open the refrigerator doo…
A man without an enemy is like a vampire with a reflection
As the enormous asteroid hurtled toward Earth I found myself working harder than ever
Fox News said it was “Fair and B… which supposedly meant that it was… because it was balanced but really it meant that it was fa… because it wasn’t balanced–
Cartoonists always draw the lightb… pointing up so that no one will think it’s a n…
Life is a give and take And since he’ll never give any cri… Because he can’t take any criticis… A people pleaser is the walking de…
The sixth extinction was hardest of all on the balloon animal artists
My greatest fear is losing control but I’m not in control I have an eternal soul but I’m afraid to die I’m scared of making mistakes
