Where before It was handed to me on a silver-pl… Where everything real was just bel… Now I’ve found the real way forwa… By making it up as I go along
Everyone has a shoe size and a city size– I wear an 11 and a half and a 600,000
When I got to the front of the self-checkout line I assumed there’d be a mirror but to my surprise and delight it was even better than I’d hoped
Hell isn’t other people– Hell is waiting in line behind other people
I used to say Nothing to see here but now that I’ve embraced transparency there really is
You’re not allowed to copy from your neighbor because you’re supposed to copy from your teacher
Once again, we find ourselves unable to avoid asking– Why do so many people hate Jews to the point of wanting to see the… But let’s refine the question,
It’s because certain questions will get you killed that certain other questions are also answers
I thought the Protestant work eth… I saw all the lazy rivers in peopl… until I noticed they were each swi… against the current
I believe in the great man theory of history because the good man theory of history is so obviously false
The best part about Being a part of something great Is that I get to do my part
Life = Trial by fire Death = Trial by firing squad
Everybody talks about the lack of movies for grown-ups but no one mentions the absence of grown-ups Of course, without grown-ups
You have bathed in the Fountain o… Every time you wash off the sweat After a hard day’s work
When I caught my wife cutting up… she said it was to prevent birds getting stuck in them like six-pac…