At first everyone was to be followed by a p… to protect us from terrorists or kill us if we were terrorists But then it was decided that
Like the distended sleeve On the fake Gordon Gartrell Denise made for Theo A giraffe’s long neck Reveals it as
I was afraid of death which is to say afraid to live until I chose my hill to die on For in deciding where
Read between the lines: We are behind enemy lines
If you want to remain married one partner should stay busy moving the goalposts while the other focuses on running out the clock
Ever since I got my first smartphone it feels like I’m visiting a museum and all the decent human beings
For those who are real– ly asking, the truth is al– ways multi-tasking
If you leave well enough alone for long enough you’ll have enough to make you cry
The human brain has 100 trillion synaptic connections which sounds like a lot but it’s only 0.0000000005% of the universe’s 200 billion tril…
The difference between God and human beings Is that God gives you what you deserve Which is always what you need
Staring at your phone came to be known as the thousand yard stare
Every night when Smokey Bear would tuck me in… the last thing he always said was Only you can prevent forest fires
You have bathed in the Fountain o… Every time you wash off the sweat After a hard day’s work
He should have said: If everything is permitted then God does not exist
During the rodeo clown shortage nobody thought that the rodeo mime… but the mimes surprised everyone distracting the bulls by silently evoking the dignity
