If you need to be in control Your life becomes a reaction Because human beings can have all… Just as long as It’s damage control

The stapler inevitably jams And it’s always the stapler That jams the copier Except for the times it jams When you try to copy something you…

Asked for his thoughts on God the materialist replied Nothing doing The mystic said Exactly

When we were kids we liked to spell Mississippi out loud for fun but we never pronounced the S’s–

Totalitarianism then: Nazis and the like Hunted and killed Jews Totalitarianism now: Those hunting likes

Woe betide the man who accepts an apology

Because the Real is unimaginable effective liars exploit what people want to be true– This is known as the Unreal But the opposite of the Unreal

My utopia is a dystopia where I get to say I told you so

You know a civilization by its ass… and ours assumes a great deal of d… To finance that debt we assume that the best predictor of future… is past behavior

Theoretically, Schrodinger’s Cat is both alive and dead at the same time In reality, cats have nine lives and one death

Relationships are hard work unless you’ve preemptively announc… that you’re quitting but staying on as a volunteer

Men are from Mars Women are from everywhere else

As the enormous asteroid hurtled toward Earth I found myself working harder than ever

I thought the Protestant work eth… I saw all the lazy rivers in peopl… until I noticed they were each swi… against the current

I’m not afraid of rejection– Life is a series of rejections Until you learn that Life goes on I’m afraid of abject humiliation