I try to win but I don’t play to win; I play to play
I’ve never been good at shaving I struggle to put on deodorant wit… And I’m frequently dripping tooth… Onto that same shirt In this an many other ways
We hit it off: she’d declawed her cats and I’d plucked my cacti’s needles
The screen you’re looking at seven hours a day is actually a magnifying glass
Late capitalism compensated for it… by blending it into its own propri… No one can redeem the past But everyone can redeem coupons!
100% of success is showing up on time
Post-pandemic life is like being a… Who comes home only to find Her parents have replaced Her obviously dead goldfish With a new one
Self-flattery will get you everywhere but there’s nowhere left to go
I told my daughter Let me give you some free advice: You get what you pay for And she said I don’t get it
It’s said you become what you hate; I hate losing things
What I lack in hygiene I make up for in sleep hygiene
Instead of a scythe the mirthful reaper carried balloo… and we just floated away
Our elites believe That the key to holding their grip… In the face of domestic opposition… Wringing their necks While in the face of external thre…
It would have been enough Had God merely kept His promises But since He knows a thing or two About human psychology God always under-promises and over…
In the new version of socialism You can own as much property as yo… You just can’t own your mistakes
