The best way to prevent something from happenin… is to convince people that it already did

I always wondered if mimes were a type of clown until having my mind blown by the insight that

One year Has seven dog years And one of God’s weeks Has seven days Accordingly

It’s still wise not to panic but now it’s because you need to keep your powder dry for a moral panic

I can only ever seem to do the math in the aftermath

In person we can struggle for equality Online we’ve already achieved

I never really knew what postmodern meant until I moved to the internet when from time to time

Before Descartes, you had to prove yourself with deeds After Descartes, you could prove yourself with words It’s been a war of words ever sinc…

It all clicked for me when I realized that Hebrew School Is a party school

“You want fries with that?” used to be a line to mock the working poor How ironic that “You want fries with that?”

Paper comes from trees but when money was made of paper we all agreed that money doesn’t grow on trees

We have achieved the classless society: eve– rything is tacky

I thought I was too smart for my own good But happily, I’d overestimated my… and I was just smart enough to be vaporous

My constant sense of dread Was just a case Of perpetual stage fright In a never-ending performance of c… Now that I’ve dropped the act

The American cure for the boredom of meaninglessness is not to pursue meaning but to outpace boredom which is why our mass nihilism