Everyone makes fun of the weatherman for getting the forecast wrong as if getting it right is his real job

A wise man once told me that there are two kinds of family prob… He said Family Problem #1 is not having a family

When Plan A is not having a plan Plan B is not having an exit strategy

There is no theory of quantum grav… Because– Einstein notwithstanding– No one understands gravity There is no theory of God

They used to pay us A penny for our thoughts But then they realized We would pay them To think for us

There are two kinds of people in t… Those who believe in God And those who believe in God But also believe in God You can tell the latter

A memory hole should be just deep enough to bury yourself up to the neck– Any deeper

When we were kids we liked to spell Mississippi out loud for fun but we never pronounced the S’s–

When we asked Jesus to explain the mechanics of the last being first He answered in yet another parable… It’s like when you’re playing tug…

One of the great things about bein… Or, in my case, becoming Jewish Is that every Jew has a voice So, you would be forgiven for thin… Two Jews, two opinions

In His infinite wisdom God made the pen mightier than the… Which is why the internet’s first… Is the First Amendment It’s only once free speech and fre…

I went to a personal branding work… only to find that my most marketab… leveraging value from a lack of or… lends itself more to generics

We don’t have to take care of our… But we have no choice God doesn’t have to be with us But He always is– The choice is ours

Much of life is boring Which is also why Life is so funny