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Chris Gaither

Chris Gaither

Time Is Up

A la recherche du temps perdu
has been variously translated as
A Remembrance of Things Past
and
In Search of Lost Time
but three years of high school French
is enough to know that
the correct translation
in American English is
Time Was Money

Other works by Chris Gaither...
All Life Is Connected, Which Is Why We’re All Dying of Loneliness

Is it live? Let’s go to instant replay For constant analysis While we wait and see And while we wait for it
My Biggest Mistake

When the devil told me “Fuck-up is a noun And so are you” I didn’t know if he meant I’m also a fuck-up
“C-3PO: Help! I think I’m melting! This as all your fault! (R2-D2 makes a series of beeps that sound like chuckling)”; “C-3PO: R2D2 where are you?”

My wife is R2-D2 Which, of course Makes me C-3PO She is constantly getting us into… In order to save us from ourselves
Relationships Begin with Chemistry and End with Alchemy, but Where Chemistry Is a Science, Alchemy Is a Mystery: The Work of Marriage Is Never Done, Which Is How It’s Done

If the honeymoon is over And things have gone leaden Rejoice, you have a lot of work to… Which is known as the golden age
Buried at Sea

When people say I live on my phone I wonder how they withstand the pr… Of eight tons per square inch
Seed My Mind

My A.I. Companion has one setting for telling me what I want to hear and another for what I
In a Technocracy, the Majority Rues

We’re hearing a lot of talk About saving democracy As if we were still A civilization ruled by a majority Which respects the rights of the m…
I Derring-do

When a woman chooses her mate His first real test Is whether he accepts her dare To propose If he does, we already know her an…
Seven Ways for the World to End Without Completely Ending, Ranked

7. “Strategic” nuclear war: Assured destruction = yes, but mut… 6. Giant asteroid hits earth: No one to blame 5. Cyber war:
Death, Ego Death, and Death’s End

Our bodies are exactly as strong as gravity’s resistance makes them… in recognition of mortality we symbolize this through the know… that gravity is the weakest
The Decadent Vest

On business trips to Moscow I never wear my three piece suit
Deal or No Deal

You keep the peace they get everything else
The Artificial Thinker

In Rodin’s famous sculpture The Thinker The subject, deep in thought Rests his chin on the back of his… There are memes on the internet in…
If “The Sun Is a Huge Glowing Sphere of Hot Gas”, Then All Light Is Gaslight

No one wanted to wear augmented reality goggles until our design team hit upon the idea of making them look
For Whom the Cell Tolls

No man is an island but plenty live in abandoned towns



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