Secure in my authenticity I thought I’d avoided that trap which had ensnared so many of my g… the safety of ironic distance– until I realized that

The difference between a human bei… And an animal Is that a human’s instincts Can be wrong

The number one cause of divorce Is holding a grudge We are divorced from reality Because we hold a grudge against t… We resent the truth

The biggest change Since I found God Is who I am Trying to impress Which is how you know

All of the lakes are great But one of the lakes is superior

The most useful secret agents Are those who don’t know the secre… That they are agents of warfare

One person can never predict the future but two people can if they get married This is a clue

I was a bullshit artist until I realized a career as a bullshit scientist paid better

Chaucer said All good things must come to an en… Which was widely If begrudgingly Accepted as a good thing

When God says Do what you want He knows You’re going to anyway His risk is betting you want

Everyone has a gift in life and mine is knowing exactly how much I can bid in a silent auction without winning

Theoretically, Schrodinger’s Cat is both alive and dead at the same time In reality, cats have nine lives and one death

When Mao said “Everything under heaven is in utt… he went on to kill 60 million of h… When Xi Jinping said “Everything under surveillance is…

The truth will set you free but consensus will get you academi… i.e., tenure

We’d all been taught As the temps got hot That all was for naught And that was our lot So, we’d cashed out and bought