Just as God is one There is only one strength– A yetzer tov That is strong enough to tame The yetzer hara

Obscene Is an institution with a 50.7 bill… Coveting an additional 686 million… To cover two-thirds of its researc… Because the truth is

Knowing that everyone agrees you remind them of indoor furniture on the porch tells you nothing about what each of them thinks of you

Make no bones about it I can’t feel a thing in my bones So, I reach for my phone

When the whole world is a disaster area everyone becomes a comic relief worker

I can never remember street names navigating strictly by landmarks taking left turns just past abandoned doughnut shops impugning me to keep my marriage

Free speech is when you can say anything you want as long as you don’t really believe it

Male materialists rarely make for marriage material because in their insistence that life’s not fair they further insist

When women need a break from the m… they must be able to endure a whole lot of his navel gazing

I put out a comedy album Side A was called Wins Side B was called Losses Only one side was funny

I’m the kind of guy Who doesn’t ride a motorcycle But always wears a leather helmet

Life is a talent show where most everyone is doing bad versions of easy impressions

The smartest gal in the room Is the one who realizes All the adults in the room Are emotional children Behaving like holy terrors

Cartoonists always draw the lightb… pointing up so that no one will think it’s a n…

Antisemitism is suddenly easy to f… It’s a mile wide and just scratch the surface an inch deep– You’ll find it there