The lion hasn’t lain down with the lamb if, in its slumber the lion dreams it’s a lamb

There are two types of men: Those who lie to deceive and those who by lying tell you what they really believe There is one type of woman:

Your eyes are your tools For processing light But don’t trust the process– Trust the light

When an American marries into a brood of Scots it’s a matter of when and not if we overdo it with the family tarta…

The brain is the heart’s fifth chamber and I am the chambermaid

If you want to predict the future determine what is most taken for g… and imagine a world without it I predict a future where words will be replaced

Instead of a scythe the mirthful reaper carried balloo… and we just floated away

It turns out that the afterlife is only as long as you can keep the exit interview go…

When life gives white people lemon… they make ginger tea lemonade wit…

When I got to the front of the self-checkout line I assumed there’d be a mirror but to my surprise and delight it was even better than I’d hoped

The Real is meaningless but doesn’t lack meaning The Symbolic is meaningful but can lack all meaning We can only navigate

You start out needing money to advance your ideology but you end up mouthing your ideol… to rake in more money

The only reason to pursue fame is to forestall the possibility that you’re the kind of person who would die wishing you’d been more famous

I may look like a tall glass of water but be– ware, I’m half empty