It’s become harder than ever to be the court jester– you have to use humor to speak

Before I met you the happiest I’d ever been was when everything I’d ever wante… was on lay-away because I didn’t have to make any…

Actually marr– iage is like riding a tan– dem unicycle

God is the world’s only super-bower

There’s equality And there’s e-quality You know the former when you see i… You know the latter when it sees y…

Social media– the bureaucracy of the people– is an eternal now where you always have just enough time

Thanks to his bifocals Ben Franklin could see that while we might look like bald… up close we’re clearly turkeys

We ask people How are you doing? because it’s the easiest way to prevent them from actually telling us how they are doing

In the digital age we let our fingers do the talking

In the cyber proxy war of all agai… We are all fighting each other So that none of us have to fight Our own worst inclinations

Leave children to their own device… And they will say Let’s play Give kids devices And they’ll say

At first everyone was to be followed by a p… to protect us from terrorists or kill us if we were terrorists But then it was decided that

Coffee is for the middle-aged; we need both to shit and get shit done

In France everyone thinks Scotch tape is crap

One of the clearest differences be… Is that all of God’s rules Are written down in the Torah While the devil strictly relies on… This is because