Given a choice I’d rather open a restau– rant than my marriage

Don’t think of a pink elephant and while you’re at it Don’t kill the messenger

Theoretically, Schrodinger’s Cat is both alive and dead at the same time In reality, cats have nine lives and one death

One would think the earth is flat “Unless” as the Coen brothers put it “round is funny”

It was always true that if you tried to save the relationship by looking the other way eventually they’d want to be

Originally a method for learning from mistakes science had been debased into a tool for sorting right from wrong

No one ever told the truth but not a one of us were liars because we always spoke exclusivel… in the future tense

Nietzsche, who famously never marr… described marriage as a long conve… Had he wed he would have realized it’s actual… a series of brief interrogations

American Express changed its slog… “Don’t leave home without it” to “Don’t live life without it” in acknowledgement that

All of our choices Come down to this: We can fear God Or we can fear death

We’re running out of time Because we’re running So walk, don’t run For though we have no time to wast… Haste still makes waste

The latest version of antisemitism takes the form of a magic trick: The diversion– Antisemitism is bad The illusion–

It’s all over but for the shouting and this is the shouting

When I got to the front of the self-checkout line I assumed there’d be a mirror but to my surprise and delight it was even better than I’d hoped

The most common rookie mistake is thinking that because you know what you were saved from that you also know what you were saved for