Carry a pen, should you need to write “Note to self: Congratulations!”

I’m not afraid of jumping in front of a bus because I don’t want to jump in front of a bus I am afraid of

Much like nuclear weapons the whole point of having vacation days is never to use them

I’ve been running the numbers and the running joke that we’re running the show will keep everyone running in plac… until they all start running for t…

Where once I feared death Now I fear that Death will be anticlimactic

Like a real life Picture of Dorian Gray my hair stays full even as my act wears thin

We’ve taken the mystery out of lif… Which makes this a murder mystery Because in choosing immortality We are killing ourselves More accurately, then

The wonder of it all includes everything worth loving but also everything that must be endured So, I wonder about

When I was young we always said If you’re gonna be a bear be a grizzly bear! But now everyone’s become

People ask if God is real But that’s the wrong question The real question is whether or no… We are afraid to ask that question Because we are afraid of what othe…

Delusions of grandeur about yourse… Are inevitable Delusions of grandeur about God Are impossible Which is how

A planning committee’s second most… Is coming up with a plan That everyone can agree to But no one is happy with This sounds strange until you real…

We’ve gone from treating people as a means to an end to using them as props for pretend

The prevailing mood was that of a nuclear submarine having failed to deter Armageddon

Riddle me this: The Riddler commits crimes of the… By loving each and every one of us… But always leaves clues behind In the form of a riddle