Instead of shooting bullets into t… to celebrate I raise my leaf blower towards the… On blue moons I do this from my jet ski
No shoes, no shirt, no service Just say no Do not pass go, do not collect $20… Don’t call us, we’ll call you No pain, no gain
Because bodies make a fart joke of… etiquette used to dictate that whe… passed gas at, e.g., a dinner part… the polite thing to do was to pret… the fart never happened
Most tautologies are self-fulfilling prophecies For example: Most people are average But God never met
The world is An interrogation room And God is behind The two-way mirror
To paraphrase Hitchcock a marriage is only as good as its villain
I’ve wasted most of my life wondering Why do I believe in God? when I should have been asking Why does God believe in me?
In the beginning God said Let there be light A week later In the Garden of Eden
Would my dentist still want me to floss if he knew that’s how I justified not going to the dentist
When anything you think Can and will be used against you The purpose of state-funded educat… Will be learning not to think As the doyens of higher learning
You can’t burn a bridge when they’ve already dismantled th… to keep you out but you can burn an eternal flame to mark the location
I changed My mind By following My heart
Either like swords all signs have a point Or like the needle of a compass
This is the stage in history where we all give constructive cri… to the demolition crew
We’ve taken the last ember in the ashes for a glimmer of hope