Saying Get out of your comfort zone to an American is like telling a turtle to get out of its shell

You need a high in– come to claim the moral high ground on your taxes

My life as ode to permission seeking was just a road to perdition strictly speaking Broadly speaking

Seeing as I’m just the messenger It would be easier to tell you Than to show you Because words are all I’ve got But since, if I told you

7 in 10 Americans believe in heave… while only 6 in 10 believe in hell which is why the house always wins

The Cookie Monster is just living up to the name Kermit gave him

What is the internet? It’s not a thing in space and time It’s a nothing in timeless cybersp… You could represent it with– “The symbol zero denoting the abse…

Mark my wounds, Our words will come back To flaunt us

You can never be happy with what you have; on– ly with what you lack

God loves us so much that He sets us up to fail For the journey is infinite As in it never stops And God knew that

It’s the odd couple that isn’t always trying to even the score

If I could put Just one thing In a time capsule It would be A crystal ball

I always wondered if mimes were a type of clown until having my mind blown by the insight that

My children have no idea they are living through a golden age of comedy

The only thing harder in sports Than hitting a baseball Is writing This maxim applies to every human… Especially writing