She believed me when I said that my life was based on a true story
Every strength comes with a weakne… So, when a recent headline said “Is Xi Jinping all-powerful or we… it demonstrated that our greatest… is the ability to ask a stupid que…
Human beings are social creatures because even though we can only ever talk to ourselves it works better when we talk to ou… in the presence of others
And so I wake in the morning and I stay inside and I take a deep breath and I let out a sigh and I stream from the top of my ru…
When I was young we always said If you’re gonna be a bear be a grizzly bear! But now everyone’s become
I don’t get mad I get odd
Told to shut my mouth I took them literally Zipped my lips And held my breath Until I could stomach it no longe…
When I was a kid people grew on me like grass Now they’re more like sod
Feminism’s big mistake is thinking it can use a power vac… to clean up the patriarchy’s mess
Paper comes from trees but when money was made of paper we all agreed that money doesn’t grow on trees
Peanut butter’s not very good by itself but chocolate is Because I’m not very religious it’s important for me
By preserving crucial memories Your amygdala prepares for the fut… Through understanding the past By digging strategic memory holes The internet controls the present
Thinking of happiness as the meaning of life is like thinking of sugar as the meaning of food
My wife fell right back in love with me when we came up with a rubric
It’s as thoughtless as a fling conjoined with worshiping as we all “Move fast and break thi… For in going from built to last arriving at built too fast
