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Chris Gaither

Chris Gaither

Love, American Style

My house
built in the 1920s
still has a TV antenna
like a tattoo you got in early middle age
with which you’ve come to have
a relationship more knotty even
than your feelings towards organized religion

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Altre opere di Chris Gaither...
More Powerful Than You Can Possibly Imagine

There are only two real superpowers: unacknowledged plagiarism and begrudging cooperation
We’ve Taken a Match Made in Heaven and Turned It into a Grudge Match

The number one cause of divorce Is holding a grudge We are divorced from reality Because we hold a grudge against t… We resent the truth
“Every Sign Is Subject to the Criteria of Ideological Evaluation”

The dictatorship of the professori… uses neologisms to prevent counter elocution and to speed the transition to authentic sophism and the
Too Good to Be True to One Another

After the sexual revolution men thought they could finally get what they want AND what they… while women believed they could at… get what they need AND what they…
We’ve All Been Tricked That There’s a Trick to Getting Rich When the Truth Is That the Only Cure for Being Rich Is Hard Work

The mean streets of easy street Lack any meaning– To get there, try going crazy But everybody knows You’d be crazy to try
Haiku

After the death of God religion lived on as an inquest taboo
Everyone Under Heaven Is Living in Utter Fear; the Opportunity for Courage Is Excellent

I’m not afraid of jumping in front of a bus because I don’t want to jump in front of a bus I am afraid of
Fool Myself Once, Shame on Me; Fool Myself Twice, Shame on Us

There is hiding yourself and there is hiding from yourself; the former is often
When Everyone is Listening and No One is Talking

If I’ve said it once they’ve liked it a thousand times
The Perfect Game

You cannot beat God in any sport but you can tie Him in bowling
Sink or Swim

When I was standing in the shallow end I really believed I was all in only later coming to realize
All This for Nothing

People want to get rich because they think money will make them happy People want to stay rich because they know that money
Take Too

The original version’s working title was The Giveth and Taketh Away Tree but Silverstein couldn’t get it published
In Sales You’re Always Selling Yourself

Beware the self-loathing salesman who loves what he does– If you buy what he’s selling then you bought it because you broke it
Shuttle Disaster Diplomacy

The usual cruelty Is having multiple children And enforcing a hierarchy In order to keep the peace Unusual cruelty



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