People think that the spork didn’t include any aspects of the… because the serrated edge of the prospective all-in-one utensil kept slicing open the focus group…

When I caught my wife cutting up… she said it was to prevent birds getting stuck in them like six-pac…

One thing I could do Was need control

You can tell that the far right Borg and the far left Borg are one Borg because Donald Trump

There are two kinds of people in t… Those who believe in God And those who believe in God But also believe in God You can tell the latter

I’ve done the math and the whole is only greater than the sum of its parts when the group is made up of individuals

“Life”, as it’s come to be known,… And ends with a grand finale But in between there’s just a lot… And grandiloquent small talk But there are grand plans for a se…

Instead of the invisible hand bending self-interest towards the collective good we got the risible glad-hand laughing our selfishness off

The two-week lockdown To bend the curve Turned into a year-and-a-half That bent our minds When

Liberalism can be confused with ni… where you have to believe in nothi… or with Unitarian Universalism where you’re encouraged to believe… as much of everything as you like

One would think the earth is flat “Unless” as the Coen brothers put it “round is funny”

Carry a pen, should you need to write “Note to self: Congratulations!”

I’m not scared of the explicit danger I’m afraid of the implicit threats

Everything dear to you? You can take all of that and throw it out the Overton window

The scientific method has, at long last arrived at a unifying theory which, for it is a dead end