When I got to the front of the self-checkout line I assumed there’d be a mirror but to my surprise and delight it was even better than I’d hoped

The American cure for the boredom of meaninglessness is not to pursue meaning but to outpace boredom which is why our mass nihilism

I’ve been racking my brains for the perfect response to accusations of perfectionism only to land at a conundrum: a confession of false modesty is

The universe is a kinetic watch so time only keeps going if we’re on the move making Zeno’s paradox of motion just a way of reassuring ourselves

Evil is cruelty plus pleasure

In the age of divorce It needs to be said: If you don’t want to end up divorc… Do not covet your neighbor’s ex-wi…

If it’s not anticlimactic it wasn’t worth all the effort

We’re told the space between galaxies is expanding but mightn’t the space within galaxies

The only thing more threatening th… Is change So, the most courageous person is… Stands up in public and announces… What counts as change?

A heart can only beat in synch with another A broken heart still beats because God keeps the time– just as He keeps us–

Democracy was superseded not by a police state but by a witness protection progra…

“Democracy is the worst form of go… Except for all those other forms t… Since all other forms involve deat… And democracy merely involves symb… But democracy has an illness

The difference between A garden variety bullshitter And a bullshit artist Is that bullshitting is easy But a bullshit artist

The bell curve is the Serpent With the lump in the middle Who ate Adam and Eve By convincing us we’re all mostly… But we’ve proven indigestible

Smile and the whole world smiles with yo… Laugh and the whole world smiles with yo… Cry