I wasn’t shocked when scientists announced that a universe already infinitely… could still be expanding because I do have an ego

Everyone has a gift in life and mine is knowing exactly how much I can bid in a silent auction without winning

Caught between a rock and a hard p… we will sink or swim: Sink like a rock or swim in a hard place– the opposite of walking on water–

No one wanted to wear augmented reality goggles until our design team hit upon the idea of making them look

Which came first The morals Or the justification Hint: The #1 excuse

My first meeting with God was ver… I knocked on the door and said “Excuse me?” God didn’t look up from what He w… As He calmly and firmly explained

The fatal mistake Is taking his weakness For kindness

The universe is a kinetic watch so time only keeps going if we’re on the move making Zeno’s paradox of motion just a way of reassuring ourselves

When my dog gives me that knowing… I don’t know what she knows I only know that she knows Who I’m fooling And it isn’t her

It used to be true that “All the world’s a stage” but now that all the world wide web’s a gauge the real world’s but a Faraday Ca…

It’s capitalism after it shed its skin

Both my parents were tall and I ended up a shrimp Not coincidentally, my diet has al… largely consisted of pink flamingo… though scientists insist that it’s…

It’s not a wine and cheese crowd unless everyone there hates crowds

The turning point came after I pegged my happi– ness to the dollar

We’ve all learned to speak interne… Rendering us one people divided By a common language Of zeros and ones Convinced we’ve broken the code